Khushbu's Blog

For you...A

2012-02-16T09:19:00.000-08:00

A and I kind of grew up together, or thats how I see it at least. We were not friends since our 'diaper' days. It was late in life that our paths crossed. We were studying in different schools till our primary and ended up in the same school for our secondary education. I say we grew up together because for me growing up together means more than just playing hide and seek during childhood. It means growing up from being just school girls to mature women.

A was always searching for a 'best friend', someone she could share all her heart had. In school, our close circle of friends included seven of us. Each one of us had our own 'best friend' in the group, except for A. This was something too sad for her. I now find this word quite inappropriate. We have so many best friends in our lives that it is unfair to just call one person our best friend. But way back then, we did not look it that way.

My fondest memory with A is going to tuitions together. We both had bicycles but we loved walking together. So, most of the times, I would bring my bicycle, park it at her place and walk to the tuition centre. We would come back walking to her house, I would take my bicycle and ride it back home. Those were precious moments for us. We had so much to tell to each other, so much to share.

Soon after we passed our SLC, A came to Kathmandu for her High School and then she left for USA for her Undergraduate education. She was away for 6 years, and I wouldnt say that we were best at keeping in touch. We had our occasional updates, but nothing like good friends have. But friendship is a beautiful thing. Even after all these years, our bonding has remained the same. She came back to Nepal in 2010 and we still have so much to tell to each other, so much to share.

We have shared with each other the highs and lows of our lives. We have seen our relationships blossom, we have seen them crumble. We have laughed together, and we have cried together. We have loved each other and we have fought.

Just in few hours, she will be with her man. A was always a dreamer. She had a certain set of criteria for her good man. It would concern us sometimes. I mean it was hard to imagine a person with all the qualities that she wanted in her life partner. But here she is, ready to vow herself to this person. He must be special, for A has chosen to spend her life with him.

As she steps into her new life, I wish my friend, my best friend, all the happiness that she deserves. Mucho love.

My travels and my mom's rituals

2012-02-13T09:27:00.000-08:00

Last year has been a lot of traveling to and forth the two cities I call my homes. It has been overwhelming. It is very funny but everytime I switch places, I tend to forget the former place I was in. I mean when I am in Birgunj, I barely think about my life in Kathmandu. It is like it doesn't exist. I start having trouble relating myself to it. It must also be because everytime I am in Birgunj, I am just too busy in the mundane affairs of the house to even think about anything. Kathmandu ceases to exist for me. I forget that I have lived here for more than eight years. During the times that I am working, I forget that I have a job. Sometimes, I even forget that I have friends in Kathmandu. I know its weird. Oh, thats what I can be at times.

This post however, is not about this. It is about the little things that I enjoy during my travels, especially from Birgunj. My mom is old-fashioned (and I love her that way), especially when it comes to traveling. She makes her calculations when any of us is traveling. She will not let us travel on certain days of the week, certain days on the lunar calendar. For instance, we are not not allowed to travel on Wednesdays and on the night of New Moon . My married sisters cant leave their in-laws' house on Saturdays. Though I find all of it stupid, I secretly enjoy these auspices.

Second, everytime I am leaving home, my mom will put Tika on my forehead and give me something sweet to eat, mostly jaggery. If I am leaving early in the morning, she will wake up long before I wake up, take a bath, prepare the thali with red vermilion, rice, jaggery and that 500 rupee note :) She will wake me up, ask me what I want to eat for breakfast, and what I want to carry for the road. She will cook anything I ask her to. Even if i am not hungry, she will coerce me to finish off what is on my plate because it is not auspicious to leave home without eating.

While I am ready to hop inside the car or take a rickshaw, she is always busy looking for a good sign. Over the years, I have learnt of few of them. For example, it is a very good sign to see green vegetables. If a vegetable seller is passing by, she will instantly buy some greens from him and put them in my bag. It is also a good omen to see sweepers, road cleaners, and the like. If she sees them, she is more than happy to give them some money. Also, it is very auspicious to see a married woman.

After I have left, she will come back inside the house, take two lotas (water vessels), go to a public tap, fill them with water, bring them back in the house and put them in the kitchen. The vessels remain in the kitchen until the time I have called her to let her know that I have reached safely.

On the day I leave, she will not deep-fry anything, will not use broom, not wash her hair, and not eat beaten rice. She follows all these rules with the kind of faith that I want to believe in. All these might have no meaning. Following or not following them might have no connection with my safety during the travels, but I love it when she does all this for me. I have grown up see her follow these rituals and over the years I have come to love the beauty of it all.

I might not follow all of them myself as I grow old, but I will carry in my heart the memory of these beautiful little things that my mother did for me and all of us! <3

Blog Stalker that I am !

2012-02-07T07:39:00.000-08:00

Yes, I admit it. I am a blog stalker. I love reading what other people write, to know how they think, to learn about them, their perceptions. When I come across a really nice blog, I exhaust myself up until I have reached the first entry made by the blogger. By the time I have reached that first entry, I have made a close connection with the blogger. I feel like I have discovered a good chunk of his/her personality, life, relationships, faith.

Then there are some blogs which I follow regularly. I love reading them. Sometimes, I envy them for their gift of writing. Sometimes, I envy the people they write for. What beautiful words, what beautiful expressions! I wish I could write as often as some of my favorite bloggers do. I wish I could write with as much ease, as if the words were flowing effortlessly, as if they are talking to the readers.

This post is dedicated to all those amazing bloggers, who inspire me.

THE BIG FAT INDIAN WEDDING...

2012-02-06T00:26:00.001-08:00

....Just over and done with one. O Life! What a Relief !

The first of the many to come this year

2012-01-22T10:22:00.000-08:00

I am back home after a hectic and an eventful week in Kathmandu. Z got married to the love of her life, to the person I am sure will keep her happy, absolutely happy. They make one of the best matches. It was awesome to be part of the celebrations. The last few months have been emotionally overwhelming and their wedding was a welcome change, a much needed break. It was freezing cold, but we still managed to look perfectly comfortable in our Georgette sarees. I have never had such an expensive hairdo, (which hardly looked like a hairdo), but I did not care. I wanted to have a good time with friends at friends’ wedding. It was exhausting, and all the food that went in our systems was too much to handle, but we ate everything that was served, because all of us were excited for the couple, happy to see them together. Nothing could dampen the spirit, not the weather, not the bandh.

While weddings can make you go crazy with all the work and the formalities, it is a great excuse to bring friends and family together. Z’s wedding was just that. Met some awesome people, and created new friendships.

I wish the newly weds a life long of togetherness.

Aba k huncha?

2012-01-04T08:56:00.000-08:00

As someone involved in research projects for a few years, the best part of it is being in the field, talking to people, learning their stories, and sharing a cup of tea with complete strangers. I have been lucky to have been welcomed in almost all places I have visited for my fields. People are generally very warm and inviting. Having someone from the 'sahar' going to talk to them is something valuable for them.

When I am in the fields on various research assignments, I am always asked this one particular question, for which I have no answer. Today, while I was talking to women in a local community about the impact that microcredit has brought in their lives, they answered my questions excitedly. But almost all of them asked me, 'aba k huncha? tapaile yeti dherai kura sodhnu bhayo. Yasko niskarsha k huncha ta? tapaile haamilai jaagir dine ho ta?' In times like these, I question the significance of research. Do research projects lead to something valuable for the community?

Research reports compile a lot of recommendations for different stakeholders. Some recommendations are great, some not so great. But I wonder if those recommendations are looked into properly to have them implemented. It certainly is not the researcher's responsibility to get them implemented, but yes, the question of 'aba k huncha?' does certainly fall upon the researchers. Tomorrow I am going for my field visit again. I hope I am not asked this question for which I have no concrete answer.

NOBODY

2012-01-03T06:49:00.000-08:00

This poem by Shel Silverstein was an exercise that were given by our facilitator in one of the writing workshops some time back. I think it is a great poem.

Nobody loves me,

Nobody cares,

Nobody picks me peaches and pears.

Nobody offers me candy and Cokes,

Nobody listens and laughs at my jokes.

Nobody helps when I get in a fight,

Nobody does all my homework at night.

Nobody misses me

Nobody cries

Nobody thinks I’m a wonderful guy.

So if you ask me who’s my best friend, in a whiz,

I will stand up and tell you Nobody is.

But yesterday night, I got quite a scare,

I woke up and Nobody just wasn’t there.

I called out and reached out for Nobody’s hand,

In the darkness where Nobody usually stands.

Then I poked through the house, in each cranny and nook,

But I found Somebody each place that I looked.

I searched till I’m tired, and now with the dawn,

There is no doubt about it—

Nobody’s gone.

2011

2011-12-31T07:48:00.000-08:00

Few hours before 2011 comes to an end. And I look back at the year. And there are very few things about the year that makes me feel good. As far as my memory takes me, this was probably one of the worst years I have lived through. I have been waiting for this year to come to an end, and as it is coming to an end, I feel nothing. All the waiting finally comes down to nothing?

I experienced so many failures this year. I never knew I had the strength to live through such bad times. But I did. Life does not give you any choice but to keep on living. This has been a year of losses, a year of low point in life, a year of failures, a year of change. I experienced, I faltered, I fought, I struggled, I gave up, and with all these I learned.

Three people went away from my life this year. I take with me their memory as I step into 2012.

I thank all the beautiful people who were there for me this year. The endless conversations that I have had with so many of you helped me hold on to myself. Thank you all.

I wish everyone an eventful 2012.

Towards the unknown

2011-12-13T09:39:00.000-08:00

Tonight is my last night here in this house. My room, which I always liked clean and organized is a complete mess today. I will be sleeping with cartons occupying half of my room. I never knew I had so much stuffs with me unless today when I started packing them. I am not 10 per cent done. And since there is so much to do, I dont feel like doing anything. Too much panic=zero productivity.

Honestly, I dont want to leave this place. So many memories. Good ones. Bad ones. With each one, I have come out as a better person (or so I feel). And the fact that I will be leaving it tomorrow makes me want to cry. I dont want to sleep tonight. I just want to enjoy my last night here. I dont know when will I get to sit in so much peace, in a place I call my own.

Time

2011-12-12T09:32:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that nearly one year has passed since you were gone. Time does fly. Life does move on. It does not remain the same, but it does move on. You carry in your heart some kind of pain, some kind of void, some kind of loneliness, and some kind of burden, but nothing stops. Probably people who leave us give us some special kind of strength that we did not know ever existed within us. I am sure Ma gave us all that strength. Wherever she is, I am sure she is looking on to us, protecting us, making sure we are doing alright. Miss you Ma. You are as alive to me as you always were.

When life leaves a bitter taste

2011-12-09T06:54:00.000-08:00

The black forest cake at the Basantpur Cafe that I love so much tasted bad today. The chatpate that I savor is bland.

Heart of Lotus

2011-12-07T11:20:00.000-08:00

A conversation that I had with DR made me realize that the only people who have the ability to make you cry are the ones who can really make you smile, not just smile on the exterior, but make your heart swell, swell like a balloon filled with air, flying high.

Ms Gigi, my amazing mentor, had sent me a poem nearly two years back. It was a time when I was questioning myself (I do that quite a lot). She did not judge me or try to guide me through my situation. She just sent me a beautiful poem from'Heart of a Lotus' by Swami Kripalu. I read it every time my heart is heavy. I would like to share it with all of you. May be it will help you when life is pressing you down, like really really down.

"My beloved child,
Break your heart no longer.
Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart.
You stop feeding on the love which is the wellspring of your vitality.
The time has come. Your time to live, to celebrate.
And to see the goodness that you are.
You my child are divine. You are pure.
You are sublimely free.
You are God in disguise and you are always perfectly safe.
Do not fight the dark, just turn on the light.
Let go and Breathe in to the goodness that you are".

Security

2011-12-04T04:08:00.000-08:00

Two days back, i.e. on December 2, 2011, Juju Kaji Bajracharya was found dead at the Guna Jyasa Pasa, a Pulchowk-based jewellery shop. It is really sad. There is no sense of security in our country. But I have heard of no place which is completely secure.

While I was going to Kumaripati, I passed through the same jewellery shop. There were security personnel, media and lots of other people who were demanding something, I do not really know what. They were probably demanding that the culprit be brought to book and that Juju Kaji's family be provided with proper compensation. I really appreciate that in events like this, everyone from the family of the deceased to friends, to strangers come together to ensure that justice is provided.

So, while I was appreciating what they were demanding, I learnt that all the silver and gold shops in Kathmandu were closed. Yes, they were demanding the two things that I mentioned in my last paragraph, but they were also demanding that government ensure the security of silver and gold traders. The officials of Nepal Bullion Dealers Association apparently met with the Home Minister Bijay Kumar Gachhadar to provide necessary security for the traders. I was pretty surprised.

I mean why did they demand only the security of 'gold and silver traders', and not 'countrymen'? Aren't the gold and silver traders part of the whole? and Will they not be guaranteed security if the whole gets such security? I really don't understand such dynamics. When incidents like these happen, people tend to forget the real problem. It is not a certain group, or an occupation that is threatened. It is a macro level problem which needs to be addressed. The issue here is security and not security of a certain group. During times like these, it is nice that a particular community comes together. I however believe that it is not about a particular community, the issue is about the countrymen, and this is what we need to realize.

While they are going ahead with their protest and demand (for which I have serious reservations), I pray that may Juju Kaji's soul be at peace. Amen.

A song to make you feel good

2011-11-28T07:31:00.000-08:00

All days are not happy. All days are not exciting. Today is one of those days when I am feeling very low. I was listening this song called Way Back Into Love from the movie 'Music and Lyrics'. This song makes me feel better. Its not the kind of song that uplifts your spirits. But I like it, and it makes me smile. I would have liked to upload the song here, but my internet is just too slow for it. Here is the link to this beautiful song :)

Way Back into Love

Honitus

2011-11-25T19:58:00.000-08:00

I pay a ten rupees note to the photocopier for the eight-rupee worth photocopies. While I am expecting my two-rupees back, she hands me a Honitus. I didn't want a Honitus, I don't like Honitus. I would have appreciated if she had given me back my two rupees. Would she accept four Honitus for the photocopies?

An evening at Patan Durbar Square

2011-11-25T08:30:00.000-08:00

I am feeling really sleepy but I just wanted to write about the great time I had at Patan Durbar Square today. I had never seen Kutumba perform (I know its surprising, but that's how it is). I had read and heard about their great music but somehow never really got a chance to attend their shows. If it was not for Z, may be I would have missed this chance as well. So, thank you Z for a great evening. Kutumba was awesome, and the best part is they were playing for this great cause. The proceeds from the show are going towards the establishment of a birthing centre in Mugu. I hope that the vision with which the event was organized is attained.

Food for thought

2011-11-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

I am very careful with the quantity of food that is served on my plate. Not that I am obsessed with my weight (I used to be fat once upon a time, but it had nothing to do with the quantity of food I consumed). The plain reason is that I don't like wasting food. Ever since I was a kid, even when I nothing about world hunger, food scarcity, food security, and what nots, I made a point to finish off whatever was served to me. This must have come to me as a legacy from my father. He is an idealist in so many ways, and respecting food tops his list.

This world has many ugly sides to it; One of them is Hunger. Data show that there were 925 million hungry people in this world in 2010. This is a huge number. I am not saying that you will be feeding anyone if you do not waste food. You probably won't. May be the world hunger will remain at its present mark, may be people will keep dying of hunger, may be children will continue to be malnourished, may be women will keep dying during childbirth because of lack of proper food. But, by not wasting food, you will sleep peacefully without having any kind of guilt. You will know that you had only what was meant for you, what was your share.

I am not sure why am I writing about hunger and food today. May be I am feeling guilty . The first article I read today morning was about hunger and about ways we can avoid wasting food. And I was proud that I belong to the group that does not waste food. But today. when I went to a restaurant, I did otherwise. I tried to stuff myself with the extras, but just could not. So, it may be this guilt of throwing away food that compelled me to write this. I don't want to feel this way again. I will make a point to order only what I can eat the next time I visit a restaurant. I will certainly not be contributing anything to this world, but at least I will sleep peacefully.

On Friends

2011-11-20T07:36:00.000-08:00

Today I was thinking about friends. I was thinking how strange individuals come into your life, and become a part of it till eternity. Well, you lose some on the path, but those who stick to you are the only ones you can call friends.

Yesterday I met A and B (didn't realize that combo!), with whom I have been friends for more than one and a half decade. Good lord! that's a long time. May be this is the reason that our relationship has transcended into something beautiful, something beyond just friendship. There are few people I share such a relationship with (well, that must be true for almost everyone), and I feel grateful to god for that.

Friends are certainly the fortress of our life. Only they will drum up enthusiasm and tag along when you want to do your nails at a salon. They show interest in your drawing room décor and listen to you for the nth time when the curtains don’t match the sofa covers and come up with intelligent solutions. When you are pushing 70 kgs and bawling the “I am so fat. I don’t know what to do” line, they do not snap and say “So, then exercise” rather give you a patient hearing and talk non-stop about salads, Atkins, gymming machines and yoga teachers till you can almost feel the fat melt.

They scrutinize your man more than they will scrutinize their own partners, because they are more concerned about your life than you yourself are. They will be there for you when your affair with your man blossoms and/if it fails. And if the latter happens, they will tell you how it was not your fault and that there’s a lot of fish in the sea and that he never deserved you and the like (it might not do any good, but they try nevertheless).

They take you on a crazy drive on their scooter on a rainy day without a raincoat to a distant place just to meet their recent crush, and act stupid in front of them, making you feel like a total fool, but still making it a memory you will cherish forever.

They will get drunk and sing the worst songs, dance to the tunes of 'undanceable' songs, laugh for no reasons, and help you forget the pain you have been carrying in your heart for days.

This post is dedicated to all those lovely people I can call 'friends', who have been there for me, who have rejoiced over my happiness, given me faith during hard times, and who let me be just me!

While I had started writing this post for friends in general, I realize that it turned out to be for my 'girlfriends') :)

The story of my room

2011-11-18T04:32:00.000-08:00

It was day before yesterday that my bed was attacked by a rat in the middle of the night. While I was tucked in my bed, sleeping peacefully, the evil rat (I have no idea how it entered the house), found its way into my bedroom, got inside my blanket and walked over my body (ewww!!!). I realized it very late, when it got to the top of my body. I jumped out of my bed, and it too jumped, and ran outside my room. Holy s**t! It was a frog some day back and now a rat. I don't know why do they love my room so much. So, since yesterday morning, I have not left the door of my room open even for a minute. While I hate the thought of the rat inside the house, I hate it even more to think of it inside my room.

So, I was in my room nearly the whole day, with the door closed, trying to work on a pending project (with occasional drifting to facebook, blogs, cooking, etc). So, I took a careful look of my room, and the things that are in there. After shifting to the flat, I had no idea how I would make my room livable. Everything I bought, and gathered together has a story attached to it. I will give you a brief virtual walk around my room.

1. As soon as you enter the room, the first thing you will see is my book rack. On the top shelf of the rack, I have my bags (since I have no other place to keep them). As I count them, I think I have eight bags, including one laptop bag which my brother gave to me reluctantly, three jute bags that DR got for me from different places (for my love of jute), one leather bag that my sister gave to me which was gifted to her by her brother-in-law (she gave it willingly since she had nowhere to carry the bag), two cloth bags, of which one my brother got from Delhi and one was given to me by my former boss (he had got the bag in one of the conferences he attended in India),and one fake leather that I bought looong time back. Hmmm...so, I never realized but almost all my bags are gifts :) Thank you everyone! So, going back to the book rack, other shelves of the rack has what a book rack is supposed to have, loooots of books that I got from different places, books that I absolutely love. There are magazines, files, loose papers, photo albums, notes from my postgraduate days (they are not over yet. The thesis thing is hovering over me), etc etc.

2. On the upper left and upper right of the book rack, there are two beautiful and exquisite painting and collage by a very dear friend and a fabulous artist Chirag Bangdel. One is from his series Geet Govinda, and the other is his very famous multimedia collage work that he calls Tattva. Both these paintings give life to my room, and the painting of Geet Govinda is right in front of my bed. So, I wake up everyday looking at this beautiful piece of art, which calms my senses. I cannot thank him enough for gifting (yes! gifting) them to me. :))

3. On the right corner of the room, there is my almirah. It is a simple wooden almirah with a half body mirror to its right side. On the left part, I have pictures pasted all over it. These are the pictures of me with the most important people in my life. As you can see, there are a lot of them. There are some pictures in the inside of the almirah as well. On top of the almirah are some awards that I received for my involvement in service projects, mostly in LEO Club.

4. Between the almirah and my bed (read mattress), there is a small low-square-table (if you understand what I mean). I had self-designed this table and had asked the carpenter in my neighborhood to make it, and I was very happy with the fifnal output. This table is full of little things including the minimal cosmetics I use, a lamp, a crystal tortoise gifted to me by M, a crystal Ganesha given by my brother R, a photo frame of my late grandparents, a photo frame with a picture of me and my mom, a statute of Lord Krishna, perfumes, binder clips, few CDs, a penholder, business card holder and a box of 'eggless cookies' (which I am munching as I write).

5. Between the table and my mattress, there are books which I am reading, and have not been able to complete for many reasons. The books are Law, Liberty and Livelihood: Making a Living on the Street, Edited by Parth J Shah and Naveen Mandava, Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Unleashing Nepal by Sujeev Shakya, and Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy.

5. On my mattress, there are my blankets, pillows, some papers, and a cushion (which was given by my awesome team on my last birthday.

6. On the floor, above my carpet, there are lots of papers, notepads, books, my purse, a voice recorder, mobile cover, plates and bowls (which I have been too lazy to go and keep in the kitchen sink), and files which I always arrange when i clean but they end up becoming messy by the night.

7. There is also a hand made rug that my grandmother made. She was very good at them, and after she passed away last january, I brought one from home in her memory.

So, this is what my small room stores. I had never really looked at the things in this detail. While I completely hate the rat, I am happy that it made me sit quietly and enjoy what little I have :)

A question

2011-11-08T20:15:00.000-08:00

I came back to Kathmandu after more than a month, and honestly, it feels great to be back. I mean, life seemed to have halted for a month for me. All I did was cook, and clean, and then again cook and clean. Anyway, yes, it feels great to be back. As I drove my scooter the first day..which did not start for a long time, and gave in only after DR drained all his energy to get it kickstarted. So, I was saying that as I drove my scooter for the first time after coming back, it felt great. Sometimes, even today, while I am driving, I cant believe that it is me. I was so so scared of driving. I had this feeling that all the microbus drivers, bus drivers, motorcyclists, and everyone in between would come and hit me as soon as I was on the road. Well, of course that is not true, they dont do it.

Anyway, so as I was driving, I thought about a lot of things. Thats what I do. I dont listen to music while I am driving. So, to entertain myself, I think. While I was thinking about a lot of things, one particular question intrigued me. So, we have so many men and women who have invented a lot of things, and made our life easy. For instance, Charles Babbage invented computers and is called the 'Father of Computer,' Galileo Galilei is called the 'Father of Science', Adam Smith, the 'Father of Economics', and so forth. I was wondering what would a woman be called if she was the inventor of all these. I mean, what if some Amanda Smith had written the Wealth of Nations, what if some Caroline Babbage had invented Computer, and what if some Grace Galilei was responsible for the birth of modern science? Would they be called mother of so and so...I wonder....I was googling how many fathers we have...here is a snapshot:))

Free time, finally!

2011-11-01T02:20:00.000-07:00

This last month has been crazy. Although I was holidaying, I have had no free time to sit back and relax. It has been a lot of work, a lot of traveling, a lot of family events, festivities, cleaning, cooking, hosting guests, and so on. So, yesterday was one of those rare days when I just took it easy. I was spared of the kitchen work, and we had no guests at home. I watched two movies back to back.

The first one was The Black Swan and the second one was Serendipity. Thanks to my brother R who saved some 20 movies that he downloaded at his college. It has been long that I wanted to watch The Black Swan after all the critical acclaim and the awards that it received. It is a splendid movie. It is different, sort of unreal. DR thinks that it is grotesque. He couldn’t watch the movie after this one particular scene where Nina (played by Natalie Portman) peels off the skin from one of her fingers. Well, if he had watched the entire movie, he would see a lot more disturbing scenes. But that’s what movies are about. Sometimes, they show things and events that do not happen in real life. I loved all the dancing, the plot, the perfect bodies of the ballerinas, the passion, the darkness. It shows how far a person can go to attain perfection, or so I think. Although the movie made me sad, it also made me look back and think.

It was the second time I was watching Serendipity. Like Sarah in the movie, I have always loved the word ‘serendipity’, the way it sounds. I am a believer in fate, in destiny. I think that everything happens for a reason, and if something is meant to be, it would be. So, if was natural for me to enjoy the movie. It is a light movie, and was a welcome change after The Black Swan.

With this big time movie mood, I am planning to watch yet another movie. It is called (500) days of summer. I have no idea what the movie is about. Let’s hope it is entertaining!

M for marriage

2011-10-30T05:58:00.000-07:00

This month has been full of news. So many people close to me have marriage on the cards. Yesterday, as I opened my facebook mail, I got a group message from a friend. A is getting married. The dates have been finalized. 17 February 2012 it is. M too got engaged to the love of her life. She will be getting married around the same time, the dates are yet to be fixed. Another very dear friend is getting married in January, to another dear friend (hope I am not confusing you). And did I mention that my little brother too is getting married this January. When I think of it, its really hard for me to believe. 2012 is going to be eventful. I wish all these beautiful people the very best. God bless all of them. With love, K!

A Passing Thought

2011-09-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

It has been more than a year that I have been living a life that I had always wanted to...and exactly one year that I shifted to the place I live. I still remember the day. I had felt so hopeless. I had wanted to cry out loud. Our previous landlord (who was an absolute jerk) had forced us out of the house and we were in a new place just after three months of living in the old place. I was in Pokhara when my roommates had to shift in a frenzy. When I came back and visited the new place, I did not know how to think and react. Everything was such a major mess. After my flatmates left to buy some groceries, I had silently wept.

I was missing home. I realized the cost one has to pay to be 'independent'. One year later, I feel more settled now. The 2BH apartment might not be the best apartment, but I have come to think of it as home. When i am traveling for work, I cant wait to be back 'home'. The mattress might not be the most comfortable one, but I still can sleep peacefully. (Except for the time when it was attacked by an ugly frog...ewwww). The food I cook might not be anything close to what my mom cooks, it still is something I have cooked and can eat it with pride.

Living on your own has its charms, and demerits. There are frustrating times, so frustrating that you want to tear apart. I moved out from my aunt's place to be on my own, to find solitude when I got back home after a long day, to live my life on my own terms, without someone deciding my schedule for me. But, the same reasons make me utterly depressed sometimes...to find myself alone when I get back home and to eat my dinners by myself. Dashain is around the corner, and obviously the roads of Kathmandu are jam-packed. It has been exactly five days that I have been getting stuck for hours amidst trucks, buses, micros, cars, motorcycles, taxis, and people. While during my trips to Butwal and Palpa, I saw very few people. This sums up the whole of Nepal's dream of a city, the dream of making it big in Kathmandu. Kathmandu is a roof to all of Nepal's budding dreams although it does not have much to offer. I myself have been a slave to this, so I have no right to complain. I am just trying to say that there must be so many people who are living a life like mine, and pondering over the life they have chosen for themselves.

As the seventh day of the festive season approaches, the Kathmandu roads will gradually get empty, with the dreamers heading back home, to enjoy the warmth that they have been longing for the past six months, to wake up to the clinking of their mother's bangles, and the cacophony of everything that is associated with home. They can get up peacefully without having to worry about preparing breakfast, dressing up for the work that they are not very happy with, and paying the grocery store owner and the landlord. They can afford to steal a couple of extra minutes after waking up, to smile peacefully at the world and their life.

Honestly, I am no different. I am waiting for October 2, to get on that bus that will take me to the place where I can be just be my mamma's daughter !

Midnight sleep crisis

2011-09-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight is one of those nights when I can't sleep. I remember mom complaining how she could not sleep at nights. I used to find it strange thinking how could someone not be able to sleep. But now I understand. I have a lot to do today and for some funny reason, when I have a lot to do, I can do nothing. That probably happens with a lot of people. A friend keeps telling me that I need a vacation. I surely do. This month and the next will be a lot of traveling for me. In September, it is mostly work related, and in October I am visiting my sister's place in India. She gave birth to a baby boy 4 days back:) Everybody is happy, and so am I. Its a great feeling when sisters become mothers. I know it. I so want to be there with my sister and the lil one. That will be a real vacation for me. I am looking forward to it.

About Home

2011-08-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

So, I am back to Kathmandu, and I am feeling low. Missing home, missing my mom, dad, brother, and everything that is associated with being home. I come back to Kathmandu out of choice, and I don’t have a compulsion. So, I probably do not have the right to whine, but every time, as I cross the mayhem of Kalanki, melancholy seeps in. Probably everyone who gets back after a good time with family members feel the way I do at the moment. I think about the futility of all of this. Why is it important that we leave home to make a life for ourselves while we can have a life with our loved ones back home? Why do we need to have these dreams? Why is the city life so alluring? Is it the high-end eatery joints? The freedom? The independence? or just a state of mind?

As I think and ponder about all of it, I know that I want to be here as much I want to be home. May be when I get up tomorrow morning, I will feel better, and more at ‘home.’

Reliving the past

2011-08-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

It has been nearly a week that I came to Birgunj, my janmabhumi. Last time when I wrote all good things about Birgunj, not because I think it is an awesome place, but because I feel close to this place, for it is where I lived the happiest of my days, I got a lot of negative remarks from those 'Birgunj-haters' (I feel sad that there are many of them). Anyway, I am here, and it is always great being here, because it is home. I do not go around a lot when I am here, because I am too busy basking in the glory of being home, eating ghar ki daal, and sleeping without worrying to get up early to go to work (although I have piles of pending assignments lying on my bedside table :( )

Anyway, today was one of those rare occasions when I went out. I went shopping. Shopping for what? Vegetables. Where? The infamous vegetable market in Birgunj..O yea, it is infamous. Today it especially proved why it is infamous. It had rained all day yesterday, and those of you who have never been here cannot understand when I say it was filthy, really filthy. The mud, water, rotten vegetables, smell of bad fish, and not to forget sweating people...the coming together of all of this, in one place, made it the most unappealing place to be. But I was there, and I couldn't leave my mom there, to shop for vegetables all alone. So, I reluctantly followed her.

The market is nothing new to me though. The nostalgia of the place stuck me. When I was a kid, and a little old later, I used to accompany my mother nearly everyday to this market. We used to live very close to this place, and so my mom wanted to get 'fresh vegetables' everyday. I would dutifully carry the shopping bags, which would get heavier as we moved from one seller to another. I used to scorn at my mom for dragging me there, but secretly I enjoyed it. I enjoyed looking at mom trying to get the best potatoes at the best price, the greenest greens, the freshest fruits. As I come to think of it today, it was this ritual that made me a better shopper, because I learnt the tricks of bargaining from my mom. :)

As we entered the market today, I saw a lady selling cauliflowers, which was on our list as well. I pointed towards the woman selling them but mom didnt move towards her because 'she is very rude', was my mom's answer. I found it pretty amusing that my mom knew the woman, and more so, how she behaves. As we went from one 'sabjiwala' to another, I realized how the motion of life seems to have stopped for all those who are in this line of business. One of the shops particularly intrigued me. They are wholesaler of potatoes and onions. The man who used to handle the cash was no more there, and the place of the sauji was occupied by the man who used to weigh the potatoes/tomatoes for us, and his place, in turn, was taken by his son. Now, that was something. I kept wondering if the little boy, now a grown up, who used to savor his lollypop sitting in his father's shop, really wanted to do this-sell vegetables? May be he did, or may be he didn't.

When we were done shopping, we had two big bag full of all kinds of vegetables. My mom was leading, and I was following, just like the old times. On our way back home, I thought of those days, when my mom used to buy me a packet of popcorn (we used to get a small packet of popcorn in two rupees back then) as my reward for being with her and carrying the load.

Today, after my accomplishment at the market, all I wanted was to have the popcorn, and complete the full cycle.

Ramblings of a frustrated citizen

2011-04-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

I am happy i reached office without my fatfate getting stopped on my way to office. I am happier that I didnt have to push my bike in the middle of the road. The roads were relatively empty today with not many vehicles plying on the road, thanks to the irregular supply of petroleum products by NOC."Yo desh ma sabaila man pari garchan." So NOC has every right to do it as well, huh.

This is frustrating, really really frustrating. I get up in the morning, and I stumble after i hit the small table in my room because it is dark, because we dont have electricity, because we are going through a period when we have loadshedding for 14 hours a day, which means no electricity in the mornings, no electricity at nights, and when there is electricity, we are not at home to enjoy it. Irony.

In the bathroom, there is no water, because there is no water anywhere, because our ghar peti does not switch on the motor because when we have electricity she is not at home to switch on the motor, and when she is home, there is no electricity. Irony again.

How long are we going to live like this, like a poverty stricken bunch of people. Why is it that although we are paying Nrs 97 per litre (which is 9 rupees more than what we paid few months back), we dont have a smooth supply of petrol? How come NOC has all the money to declare bonuses and dividends when it is suffering from billions of losses?

Why is it that we Nepalese are ready to go through this pain of waiting in the petrol queue for hours without questioning our administration? How can we just accept not having water and electricity at home, and wake up in the wee hours of the night to fill our jars and buckets of water, and charge our cellphone batteries? Why is it that all we do is say "yestai ho, k garne?" We need to wake up and question. We might not get answers to all our problems, but at least we will feel good about questioning. It is our right as citizens, our responsibility too. Our government cant just get away with cheating us all the time, making us the victim all the time, conning us all the time.

Not even death could do them apart

2011-02-01T21:21:00.000-08:00

And this time…I knew why the phone was ringing early in the morning. He left us because he had to be with her…I hope they are together somewhere, and looking over their kids.

We miss you maa and bauji.

Losing her

2011-01-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

I lost my grandmom yesterday. This is my first experience of losing a loved one. I don’t know how to feel, how to react. When dad called me at 7:00 in the morning I avoided his call thinking that he must be on his morning walk, and called me in the wee hour just to ask of my well being. Thinking of calling him back later, I pulled my quilt over my face. The second time my phone vibrated with my aunt’s call, I knew something was wrong. The wailing sound on the other side of the phone made me jolt from my bed. I felt guilty for avoiding dad’s call, really guilty.

After a bumpy ride in a Tata Sumo for 5 hours, we reached Birgunj with teary eyes. Everyone was waiting for our arrival, for taking away grandmom from us forever. As she lay on the pyre with the red chunari, she was looking just too beautiful and too animated. We were waiting for her to get up and tell us that she is fine, and she is going to be with us for many more years to come. We were waiting for her face to light up and consequently lighting ours. We kept waiting when they took her away for her journey to a new world. “Ram naam satya hai,” they said. The music of the band playing outside told us to celebrate her departure. Just that, we could not.

I was given the responsibility of cleaning the house while they went to the ghaat. As I went upstairs, I looked at the vacant space where she sat every time I visited home. As I entered my room, I expected her to quickly follow me like she always did. She had so many questions to ask, about life, about work, about this, about that. So many questions, I would complain. She had this need for everybody to be with her all the time, not to leave her alone. But, no one would think of her need for being with her as her need to feel loved. Today, when everybody is here for her, it is ironical that she isn’t here to get our love, our affection that is finally coming out of us, something that was hidden deep in our hearts and we never realized it.

As I swiftly do the cleaning and organizing, I wait for the voice that would tell me to get the phone every time it rang even when I were closer to the phone and knew that I am supposed to get it. I wait for the voice that would remind me of the rules and regulations of the house. I long for the authority, the power, the spirituality, the faith.

How we would get agitated every time she saw the repeat telecast of every tele serial and how we would remind her that she had already watched the episode last night. Every time, she would say that “No beta, see this scene was not shown last night.” She monopolized the television set, and now the set lies in the corner, with no one interested in it. As I sit inside my room, the silence of the living room haunts me.

I have grown up with her. I feel guilty for telling the world that she cried when I was born. I have mocked her, I have hurt her. For all those times, I feel sorry. For all those times, I detest myself. How can I have been so mean and so unreasonable? She gave me all the love she could. I was her bitiya rani, the granddaughter she was immensely proud of. Every time someone visited our house, she had one story associated with me to share with everybody. She loved me. How could I have doubted her?

She was always the one in power, and we were so used to it that in her absence, we feel lost. There is sadness, but more than that there is this feeling of losing a guardian, who stopped us every time we were to take a wrong step, a guide who reminded of the little intricacies of life.

There are relatives, well wishes, neighbors, and others who visit our house all day long. Certainly, everyone has anecdotes to share about her. All of them are interesting. Some make us cry, while we laugh over the incident when she literally caned a thief who tried to take her possessions many years back. She was a gossip queen for me in the sense that she had so many stories to share about people that existed in her small world. When the tables turned today, all I could do was smile as I looked at her freshly framed photo.

January 7 2010

Conversations

2010-12-27T02:48:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in my temporary office, and have been making an effort since the morning to complete the profile of a politician, but somehow, everytime I click on that document from the bar, my mind gets drifted apart. My concentration is getting wierd, I swear.

The other team members are here and we have been talking. We Nepalese are really opinionated and can really talk. I am actually enjoying the conversation, which is primarily revolving around the constitution. What will the final book look like? After 2 of the CA members died in two separate accidents, we are left with 599 members who will be responsible for finalizing the document. There are so many flaws in the draft constitution and my team leader just informed me that the most sensitive clause regarding citizenship is severely flawed even after innumerable discussion, debates, and what nots. In her words, "We are moving backwards in time." This is scary, really. The issue of citizenship is very sensitive, more than what you and I can understand.

We also talked about the most discussed issue of this decade (at least in our country), The Royal Massacre of 2001. How we three believe that Deependra did not shoot the family. Ha! As if our opinion matters. But nevertheless, we talk about it!

We also believe that NRNs should not be given with dual citizenship because once a person gives up his/her citizenship, that person should no more get the privilege of being a Nepali. We dont believe that a person can be Nepalese by heart. This is a democratic world and a person is free to chose the country s/he wants to live in, but the choice is limited. Only ONE country, my friends! We are happy that the government has decided to give them with identity cards rather than dual citizenship. O our friends around the world, you are now free to make "your" country prosperous through investments..we need them, truly!

We also talk about how our party leaders are manipulated by bideshi forces. I find it funny that how can one country's leaders be manipulated by outsiders. Strange world it is, really. Among the multitude of other issues that we talk about, I am most intrigued by the one regarding the organization called Monsanto and how they destroyed the lives of thousands of farmers in Indian states including Andra Pradesh and Gujarat. Mass suicides happened during the time, just because the notorious Monsanto tried to change India's cotton economy overnight. Do google it, and I am sure you will be baffled and taken aback. Monsanto has come to Nepal, and I am worried.

When I was thinking that I have wasted a day, I am happy that I learnt, a lot!

Social Media and Me

2010-09-28T03:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been away from the virtual world for a while. There is no particular reason. I guess I felt a need to be away to realize that there is a world beyond this virtual world..the real world, where i can see my friends' face while having a conversation, rather than receiving the smilies and the superficial hahas and lols. I was kind of getting tired of them. So, I deactivated my facebook account. Believe me, it gives a sense of liberation to be away from FB. You have so much free and productive time for yourself. In my case, well, I have had no free time in a while, but otherwise, it can be great.

Just yesterday, I was reading the assignments of Voices of Our Future Applicants on World Pulse . The first assignment was on Web 2.0 and what benefits and drawbacks it brings along and what are the solutions. It was wonderful reading them. I am one of the Listeners for the program, and my job is to evaluate 5 assignments a week. Evaluations can be tricky and scary since you are writing someone's destiny. But i had to do it. Keeping the evaluation part aside, I was really impressed by what the applicants had to say. Then it dawned on me that its upon us on how we use this virtual world. We need to create our own space and manage it accordingly. So, today, I logged on to my Facebook Account, Clicked on Account>Edit Friends and deleted 150 people from my friends list. No offense to anyone, but I had to do it. What is the point of virtually befriending a person you dont know. Its bugging for both the parties. Their walls get filled in with my updates and mine with theirs. They or I should get updates of people who matter, aint it right?

And here I am, on my blog, writing about my feeling of liberation...Guys, if you share the same emotions like mine, go ahead and log on to your Facebook account. Do I need to give any further instructions? Chao:)

Once again

2010-08-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

Once again, so many people killed in a plane crash. I have nothing much to write about. I just pray that may their soul rest in peace up there. Amen.

The Football Fever

2010-06-11T02:22:00.000-07:00

Well, nothing new about it! The fever has spread, and its gonna stay. But luckily, I stay immune, dont really know why. I am not oooh aahhh about the game, but I watch it just like that (if I can monopolize the television set, that is).I got the morning paper to read the news, and yes, I did get to read the news---all about FOOTBALL. I was kind of disappointed. What about my dose of real news? But probably, the editors knew that since the game is starting today, talking or for that matter, writing about anything else would be foolish. May be they are right. Just because I am not too fond of it doesnt mean that they are not catering to the readers' requirements. So, happy reading guys!

Whatever my sentiments for the game, I still believe that it is a great game, and one thing that I love about it is the fact that it brings everyone together...In a world of so many differences, it is nice to see that a game can unite people (the "favorite team" differences are still there, but they are healthy!). People around the world will be watching the game in complete harmony, and millions of people will be sharing the same feelings about their favorite team.

So, during the one month which is going to be about Football, and more Football, I will make an effort to keep myself updated with what's happening in the scene, so that I don't feel left out! :D

No Answers

2010-03-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

I love the solitude of my room...also because its rare. These are times of introspection, when a whirlwind of thoughts cross my mind...some good, some ugly and some just thoughts. Sometimes there is no reason to feel happy, and sometimes melancholy engulfs you, without you even knowing what caused it. Today is one of those times..I am just sad. May be its something at work, or may be it is something my aunt told me, or may be its a blend of both and some more. I realize that it is so easy to be happy, but in this process of seeking happiness, we put in so much effort, that it just flies away, just like a firefly flutters away when we try to get hold of it. It is so difficult to satisfy a human heart, and sometimes there are no answers to the predicament of life.

Someone said that we should take life as it comes, but things are easier said than done!

UNITY DAY..GOODBYE

2010-01-11T10:57:00.000-08:00

Rewind 10 years back: I am in my school compound in Birgunj with all my classmates, my juniors, my seniors, and my teachers. The teachers are trying hard to get us all organized for the rally. The occasion is the National Unity Day, a day which was then celebrated with much fanfare, to mark the birthday of Prithvi Narayan Shah, the man responsible for "uniting" the nation.All the schools in my city would come together to celebrate the power of unity.

Today, 10 years later: I am getting late for work, and i zoom off on my bike (oh!my new found source of freedom). As i pass through Singh Durbar's Western Gate, i notice something new...the statue that has many a times been demolished by different groups stands erect, and guess what, the fresh paint was very obvious. It was decorated with garlands, and i kept wondering the reason, and then it struck me..its 27th of Poush (11th of January). There is no any big deal about the day anymore.How sad!

Ever since the country was declared a federal republic, the government has stopped commemorating the day. I don't understand the reason behind the government's decision to do so. Just because the nation's a republic, does it mean that we should not be celebrating unity? To me, the cancellation is just to do with downplaying the royal paraphernalia.

But maybe, the day holds no significance anymore. Just yesterday we had a strike called by the Janamorcha Nepal against federalism. I presume they believe in keeping the nation in its old form since they were protesting against federalism. They probably are the once who still believe in the day,(and are the once who decorated Prithvi Narayan Shah's statue with garlands) but again what is the point of calling a strike and protesting over something thats already done? One group wants a Newa Rajya, and the other group wants a Limbuwan rajya..when the hearts have been divided, whats the point of talking of unity? "Unity In Diversity" is an ideal situation, but I dont see it attainable in the current state.

The government says that in "changed context", the day holds no significance, and that unity can be celebrated in other ways. What are other ways is unfathomable for me, because I hardly see any effort towards integration and with every passing day, the idea of unity in our country is getting bleak.

While returning from office, I once again looked at the statue, and paid my homage to the man who dreamt of a united nation, that's all i can do in the "Changed Contexts!"

JLT

2010-01-06T22:41:00.000-08:00

Its embarrassing that every 6 months I appear on my blog and solemnly vow to keep posting on my blog..I am hopeless at keeping my words...by hopeless I mean utterly useless. Unlike what people think, I can be LAZIER than a cuckoo..wait, cuckoo, sounds familiar..o yeah, no wonder I get my characteristics from this bird...my sister called me KUKU (that's my nickname) and she still does. So, should I blame my sister for me being lazy? Stupid metaphor/analogy whatever it is called!

Well, blogging is fun, and more so because I love writing, but I am not too comfortable to pour in my entire self.I can be pretty don't-come-close-to-me types at times, and me not blogging all this while is a result of such feelings...All this while i have stuck to my personal journal, which I use to write everything...its convenient you see...I can backbite about people I am not too fond of(and believe me there are many..not a good sign!), I can share my sorrows (and by blogging about them i don't want to sound like a cry baby, which sadly I am), and I can just blabber, without my cute li'l diary asking me to SHUT UP! See, maintaining a personal journal has so many more benefits. Having said that I have to admit that, I still love being here.

This time, I don't vow to keep posting, but I will certainly try my best...and isn't it good enough? Someone rightly said, "Every accomplishment starts with a decision to try."

Ciao ppl!

UNITE FOR HUNGER AND HOPE

2009-04-28T20:22:00.000-07:00

Today, we are supposed to write something on world hunger, on how we can address the problem, and reach a solution to it. I have been wondering since the morning: how can i make a little contribution to the cause-should i not eat the whole day so that my part of the food goes to somebody else? Or should i go somewhere and give food to people who are deprived of it? The first option does not sound very realistic. Even if i don't eat the entire day, there is no guarantee that what i have sacrificed will reach to the needy ones. The second option looks more plausible. I plan to do that today. But this wont help in the long run. I might forget this once April 29 passes. We need to build a more concrete strategy to alleviate the problem.

The foremost reason for the existing status is low production of food that could meet the demand of the growing population. This imbalance between supply and demand creates a shortage and raises the price of the available food...which cannot be afforded by all. I was looking at the statistics related to world hunger and among the many, i found the following the most appalling:

--Every year 15 million children die of hunger-This means that due to world hunger, we lost 15 million brains that could take the world ahead.

--For the price of one missile, a school full of hungry children could eat lunch every day for 5 years-If this is true, why do we value gun power so much? We need to realize how its absence can uplift lives of people...

--One in twelve people worldwide is malnourished, including 160 million children under the age of 5. (Source: United Nations Food and Agriculture)

--Half of all children under five years of age in South Asia and one third of those in sub-Saharan Africa are malnourished.

--About 183 million children weigh less than they should for their age

--To satisfy the world's sanitation and food requirements would cost only US$13 billion- what the people of the United States and the European Union spend on perfume each year.

--Every 3.6 seconds someone dies of hunger

These statistics could take anybody to thinking. How many of us do not waste food? How many of us take for granted what we have? I guess most of us, including me.

I had received an e-mail from a friend who lives in India.A local NGO has taken a wonderful initiative to pacify the situation.If there is food left after lunch or dinner that the family plans to dump,they could rather call the NGO, and they would send their volunteer to collect the food and make it available to people who have to go to bed with empty bellies.They have volunteers spread over the city and food could be collected from anywhere. I think this is a wonderful initiative,and if this is implemented everywhere,everyone could contribute in their small little ways.

I have also seen people offering grain,food,fruits to deities in temple.A lot of food is wasted this way.God doesnt eat it,we all know that. So what is the point in offering it?We could rather give it to people who could eat it and drive away their hunger.I have strictly followed this,and whenever i go to temples,the amount i would use to give offerings to god, i use it to buy some eatables for the poor.

I am hopeful that the situation will improve one day,and we all need to come together to bring the change,and create HOPE!

My tumultous mornings!

2009-04-03T00:44:00.000-07:00

I am in my office and there is not a single soul around...it is so soothing to be sitting in the calmness of my office..away from the chaos of the world around me.It seems like ages when i have got a "silent space" for myself.I used to have one when i was at my old place.This new place gives me creeps. There are so many visitors at my aunt's place,its sickening at times.Every 5 minutes the door bell goes "Open the door please." I wish i could steal away the batteries and throw them in a gutter somewhere...but i know it will not help...There is no paucity of batteries in the market..

Its not only the guests...the people are so noisy there...I am woken up at 3 in the morning after grandmom starts singing her bhajans...forget about me,why doesnt she realize that even god needs some sleep that time of an hour....i press a pillow on my ears and try to sleep nevertheless...barely can i doze off again that my brother comes to the room in search of his uniform, socks, tie, handkerchief, etc..etc..the list is endless...I forgive him for the nuisance..he is a student after all...5 minutes hardly pass when my aunt enters the room,frantically looking for the keys to the store room,her almirah,the second floor...Lord!so many keys and so irresponsible!

Then its my uncle's turn...it sure runs in the family...if you forget the lyrics of any of the songs of the 60s,my home is the place to be....he sings songs i have never heard before..but i am plainly not interested...but its not his concern for sure...So,after all this commotion,no matter how hard i try to give myself some sleep,i just can't get it.So,i decide to leave the comfort of my bed,and be a part of the hubbub...

(P.S. I write this not because its my aunt's place, i would probably be writing the same had i been in my own place...I believe that's how homes are supposed to be..can't help it,can we?)

Why this culture of Impunity?

2009-03-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

No breaking news with that..there was yet another bandh today..well,not one but two...The micro-bus drivers and conductors were agitated because a policeman beat up a driver...and the businessmen were on a protest on the raid that happened around yesterday...I had a difficult time trying to find out a local transport for myself.Everytime i and other passengers got on a tempo,we were very courteously threatened by the chaps to get down and walk to our destinations...It was irritating...but could i do anything??No,i couldnt...In a country where the government is so weak,it is credulous for a common citizen like me to fantasize ways to change the country...Why are people so self-centered in our country..Why is it always we versus they?Dont we belong to the same country?Will not the closure of the shops and transportation affect all including the providers and the users?

The micro-van drivers can do everything they want to...they can drive rash without even thinking of the troubles that they cause to others...charge more than what should actually be charging..be rude to passengers like they are doing a favor by giving a ride to them..use foul language...break traffic rules...and if someone, a policeman in the case tries to intervene,they think they are mistreated...its ridiculous...A funny thought passed my mind...i wish that the micro van drivers go on a perpetual strike...the capital would me much safer without them around..why were they ever introduced as a means of local transportation?and if they were,why were the drivers not provided with proper orientation?i use them everyday but i do that because i have no alternatives...Wish i had better alternatives...

Why are our countrymen the way they are?Why cant we all think like a family?Why is every group fighting against the other?I am starting to get sick of everything around...When will we change for the good...when will we live normal lives?..Why is there this culture of impunity in our country?

So many unanswered question..can anybody help with the answers and give me a reason to be optimistic?

A Passing Thought

2009-02-19T23:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I am back to blogging after a long time, and it feels great actually…what great blessing the internet has showered on us….

I was in an introspection phase all this while…Was thinking over so many things..Today, it’s a Friday and everybody gets excited with the thought of it, including the students…We work so hard all this while and a day off is a welcome change for all….Wish there were many more Fridays….

I met a friend of mine, or I shall say someone who was junior to me in college. We had gone for a talk program together and there she asked me what is the purpose of human life? To slog one’s ass for decades to earn all the name and fame, and of course money? She left me wondering over what she had to say…She is right actually…why do we need to work so hard all our lives? Why do we need to be successful? Another fren of mine always says that happiness is a very individualized thing. A waiter can be happy all his life serving food to the customers, while a millionaire might not be as happy getting everything with the blink of an eye….

It is so important for us to take life as it comes and savor every moment before it is too late…Next time, when you are cursing your luck, just remember the roadside vendor, the maid at your place, the street sweeper, and many others like them…and you will realize you were truly born lucky…and be happy at the thought!!!

Yesterday...Today....Tomorrow....

2008-07-29T01:46:00.000-07:00

Time waits for nobody
Time waits for nobody
We all must plan our hopes together
Or we'll have no more future at all
Time waits for nobody...

These are the lyrics of the song TIME from Freddie Mercury's Album THE PRETENDER...

As this song says...time for sure waits for nobody.While i was a kid in school...how much i wanted to always stay in school so that I could always stick together with my buddies...But of course,that time elapsed and i had to bid adieu to my most special friends...Nothing could ever be compared with the joy that comes from being with childhood friends and i am sure everybody would agree with me on that...However,just like everybody,I had to move on with the heartbreak..When i was in college,i enjoyed the days thoroughly...the pressure of assignments, projects, presentations and what not was always there but i had never wanted those years to pass...but they did pass leaving an indelible memory...When I think of tomorrow,i again do not want my TODAY to pass...But it will pass away...

I had read somewhere....

Yesterday is HISTORY
Tomorrow is MYSTERY
Today is a GIFT
That is why it is called the PRESENT...

I have always lived my today but i cant stop reminiscing my past and ponder over my future...However,i will try my best to make the most out of the PRESENT that comes in the form of TODAY!!!

For the entire lyrics of the song TIME,Click Here

Fantasy Vs Reality

2008-07-21T02:19:00.002-07:00

I am having too much of exposure to movies these days,despite the fact that i hardly have any free time (office,GRE,University Search,Household activities,social obligation,Leo Club,etc) but one thing i have learned very well is the Art of Time Management, and the number of movies that i manage to watch is the proof. Anyway, i was talking about movies...All the movies that i watched had one common thread: they all had a very very "Happy Ending"-the lovers get to "live happily ever after" or the villian is put in a life-term sentence or is killed. Wow,the perfect ending for anyone.But i was forced to contemplate how real are the stories??I have hardly seen Happy Endings in people's lives.The "good souls" in real life are the ones who suffer ultimately.This is,however,not to say that i advocate being a Nefarious person.No matter what,you should do things that are acceptable to your conscience.

Going back to movies,i was wondering Why is that happiness is so hard to find in the real life? Why is that people have to struggle so much to achieve something?Why is that we cant have that smile on our lips ALWAYS? It makes me frustrated at times because the HEROES in the movies get it with the blink of an eye but why is that we keep blinking eyes and nothing magical happens??Why is it that not every Cinderalla is saved by a godmother?

Of course it is disappointing but i also get answers at times.I think that had we got everything that easily,we would never know the value of getting something after a hard day's labor. Also,had we never overcome sadness,we could never know the value of happiness. So that we don't take things for granted,god has created so many stumbling blocks in our lives to help us keep grounded and teach us to value what we have and strive for more.

I do understand the reasons behind everything,but despite that i would want that little magic to happen in my life sometimes where i think of something and it just happens with the turn of a Magic Wand...

Till Next...waiting for that magic!!!

3 cheers to Sailee Basnet...

2008-07-17T02:55:00.000-07:00

I have heard it for nth number of times and I finally understand what people meant when they said, “Great things come in small packages.” Nobody ever thought this petite little being would create wonders, and would win a fight against nature. She was my senior at college (though she doesn’t look like one), and I always thought of her the most lighthearted girl I have ever met. Today, when her name is being written in history of the nation, it makes me feel so proud of the fact that I know her.

Shailee Basnet managed to scale the world's highest peak along with nine other women from the First Inclusive Women's Sagarmatha Expedition (FIWSE). She has marked her name as the First Nepalese Female Journalist to scale the Everest. Before the attempt, the closest Shailee had come to mountains was writing about them. However, after meeting the team leader Sushmita Maskey for profiling the expedition for Himal Media, she became intrigued and knew that she had to join those 9 women on their quest to reach the top of the world.

Having completed her Bachelor’s degree in BBIS (Bachelor’s of Business Information Systems) and Post Graduate degree in Journalism, she has made her mark as a young journalist working as a staff reporter for Himal Media. She has always been interested in extreme sport and her interest in climbing and mountaineering was ignited because of the physical and mental challenge it poses on the climber. Challenges never daunted her and this is one reason that she undertook the courageous task of reaching the highest peak. Shailee, along with the other 9 members of the team underwent an intensive training for 10 months, starting from October.

The grueling sessions did pay off, and Shailee was able “to win her fight against nature”, as she prefers calling it. Her parents, who had no idea about her daughter’s feat until before her name was flashed all over the papers, are today proud of her. Shailee has made all the Nepalese proud of her achievement and i wish her the best in all her future endeavors, whether it is Reporting or it is Mountaineering….Kudos to you and your spirit!!!

Photo Credits: Himal Khabarpatrika, Nepali Times
For more about Shailee's quest read her article
Magical,Majestic,Mystical

The Star..

2008-07-16T02:53:00.000-07:00

We have so many luminary figures who we admire and respect with all our might...They are there everywhere: on television, in newspapers, billboards and magazines. We look upto them for so many different reasons:someone is a great singer who soothes our senses when we are down,someone is a great actor who makes us go gaga over the way he/she looks/dresses/acts...whatever!!!Then there is someone who is a great Samaritan- doing things to make the lives of people a better haven to live...There are many people who have inspired me as well but sadly they are not "public figures" and there are very few people who know about them. However, they have made me ponder over the courage that they possess.Here,i will be talking about this girl named Asmita who has taken me by surprise by her perseverance.I know her through a local club.Very recently,she had to face a tragedy: her father passed away of a heart attack.She, at present,is studying in Class 12. However, she refuses to give up and has already made plans on how will she help her family come out of the loss. She is extremely interested in journalism and she has already taken up some courses to hone her skills.Her father was into journalism as well and she is all set to continue the legacy.She is the eldest daughter and the way she has handled the entire situation is admirable.At her age, i had nothing to worry about and had taken life for granted but when i look at her,i keep wondering:where does she get that courage from?She is a true star for me...

MYSELF....

2008-07-07T01:50:00.000-07:00

I don't want to write anything today except for some little things that turns me on...The list is small...i am not a very demanding person, and you will find that once you go through the list, though i will try not portray myself as superficial:
1. I love the smell of popcorn...it completely turns me on...i can munch popcorn anytime..anywhere...
2. The tingling sound of bangles soothes my senses...don't know the magic that they hold but i love them
3. The pictures of me with my school buddies
4. A nice company
5. A kiss from my nieces
6. A stroll with a friend in the evening
7. A good book at my bedside table
8. Meeting an old friend on the road, very very unexpectedly
9. The innocent smile of a new born
10.Being on my own engulfed in my world of dreams.....

Will we never change?

2008-07-01T22:10:00.003-07:00

This is an article published in The Himalayan Times on 1st of July 2008.
Will we never change?Will we keep on killing and torturing women in the name of dowry?
Do we still think that it is the dowry that will help us survive?
This disgusts me.....it really does.....

Nostalgia

2008-06-27T02:41:00.000-07:00

I am missing so many people at the same time...i am missing my family,i am missing my frens from school,i am missing every single moment of love,and i am missing my time before this year...i cannot come out of the nostalgia...i just cant!!!

Rain...

2008-06-20T02:00:00.000-07:00

I love when it is raining. I enjoy my time at home while the rain pitters and patters on my window pane...i like to indulge myself in a steaming cup of coffee and smell the aroma that comes from the soil after it rains...i like to get myself drenched in the rain without bothering if anyone is watching me...I like to see the raindrops falling on an already made water pond and how they keep on increasing in circles....However, i do not like rain when i am walking on the streets and a car comes and splashes the dirty water on me......

Irony of life

2008-06-18T21:36:00.000-07:00

Special Moments...Gone!!!
Special Person....Gone!!!
Special Memories...Remain!!!

What does my world comprise of???

2008-06-16T22:39:00.000-07:00

I have named this blog as KHUSHBU's WORLD but now i am left wondering...what does my world comprise of...I have ambivalent viewpoint on issues....i am saying one thing at the moment and then completely contradictory things the other moment...i am torn between two worlds and i dont like the feeling at all...I have abandoned some important people in my lives to make other important people happy but it does not mean that the former ones were not important...see...i am again giving ambivalent opinion...what am i supposed to do??What is my world all about??i really need some time to prod over the issue.....

What's so special about the PALACE?

2008-06-10T04:10:00.000-07:00

This is the "Palace" where our deposed king is to stay...I don't know if i am supposed to comment but i just wonder why did he choose to ask for such a place which has nothing spectacular about it....I believe he could have built something better than this on his own rather than "asking" for something like this...Only he knows......

Protect the Environment

2008-06-04T23:15:00.000-07:00

Its World Environment Day today..Many educational institutions and nature clubs were part of a rally organized early in the morning with an objective to make people aware of the fact that our environment is suffering and we need to protect it.I just wonder how many of those participants practice environment friendly activities themselves because many of them were carrying plastic bags and were dumping the mineral water bottles everywhere..I believe that you need to change yourself if you want to see the world changing...Even i carry plastic bags despite the incessant pleas from nature workers that we should use paper or jute bags...Well i will try to do the latter today onwards..Some things that i would want others to practice this year would be:

-Use dustbins, and if you do not find dustbins everywhere,keep the waste in your bag.You can always dump it when you reach home
-Stop cutting trees in the name of DEVELOPMENT (thats especially for our development pundits)
-Plant one tree in your life (the joy of seeing it grow is immense)
-Use water prudently
-Men...remember walls are not your loo...so please please do not (i hope you understand)..thats really really gross
-Reuse products when possible
-Switch off the lights,fans,and computer while you are not using them
-And of course say NO to Plastic Bags

I hope at least some follow these advice...Small things make a huge difference...Enjoy Protecting our environment!!!

A special dedication... (You Were Meant For Me-Jewel)

2008-06-02T04:59:00.000-07:00

I hear the clock, it's six a.m.
I feel so far away from where I've been
I got my eggs, I got my pancakes too
Got my maple syrup, everything but you
I break the yolks and make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off of the mirror, don't leave the keys in the door
I never put wet towels on the floor anymore 'cause
Dreams last so long, even after you're gone
I know, that you love me and soon you will see
You were meant for me and I was meant for you
I Called my momma, she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk
So picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
I saw a movie it just wasn't the same
'Cause it was happy and I was sad and
It made me miss you oh so bad cause
Dreams last so long, even after you're gone
I know, that you love me and soon you will see
You were meant for me and I was meant for you
I go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken every day

I brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when I leave the light on
I pick up a book and turn the sheets down and then
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pj's and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I, I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last so long, even after you're gone
I know, that you love me and soon you will see
You were meant for me and I was meant for you
Yeah, you were meant for me and I was meant for you

The falling star....

2008-05-25T05:36:00.000-07:00

A star twinkling...
It breaks and falls
Mama said, make a wish
So i did...

It was all fake
Falling star did no miracle
Nor were my wishes fulfilled
When i see a falling star today
I just remember my mama
And i make no wish...

Update....

2008-05-22T04:50:00.000-07:00

Today i saw the beggar with a brand new MP3...Interesting!!!

Happy anniversary ma and pa....

2008-05-19T05:05:00.000-07:00

Its my parents anniversary tomorrow...Myself being an anti-marriage person,its hard for me to comprehend how two people can stay together for so many years.I have seen my parents fight over petty issues like what to gift a friend's daughter on her marriage to whether to travel on bus or via air to get to a certain destination.However,i must admit,amidst these fights,there is this undying love between them,and it is one reason that helps them fight all odds of life.They are solace to each other when they have noone else around to share what they feel,even their children fail to understand them but they understand each other completely and this is what have kept their love alive for all these 30 years.I am not there with them today but i wish them a very HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.I dont know if my parents will ever read this blog of mine but i want to tell them that i really really love them and want to make them proud parents one day...Love you both!!!

Waiting.....but for whom and what???

2008-05-16T02:57:00.000-07:00

Oh lord...am again late for my office...my boss is gonna get horrified....Please god please...may a micro van be waiting to get it's last passenger.....These thoughts are running over my mind when i reach Ratna Park to catch a micro for office...Ratna Park,no wonder is crowded with students hurrying for school,employees running for offices,and vendors not running but screaming on top of their lungs,to sell their goodies to the passers' by...Amidst all of them,there is one person who caught my attention,a young man in his mid thirties is lying there with his clothes torn,skin tanned with extreme exposure in the sun,and a feeling of indifference towards everything on his face.There is this handkerchief in front of him where he expects people to give him some money in the name of "charity."Well,this man is healthy,doesnt have a broken limb,his eyesight is pretty good,and his arms are strong enough to do any kind of work.So why does he chose to live a life of such misery,depending on people to feed him and clothe him??My question remains unanswered.People pass by,and some "Samaritans" help him by donating Re 1 to Rs.10. There is a total of around Rs.20 in his handkerchief..well, enough to buy him his breakfast for the day....I see him,i see people fulfilling their social responsibility,but since i dont advocate begging..i move on..By the way i was getting late for office....I manage to catch the bus....The story does not end here....i am returning from my office and i have to pass through the same place where the beggar was in the morning...I am SHOCKED to see the same man sitting in the same posture with the same handkerchief (which is now empty) and the people still doing their best to help him through their "charity". God help him.....

GRE phobia

2008-05-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

Yeah yeah....GRE is being a phobia for me...i cant help run away from it...i have lots of excuses to make..i am tired of a whole day work, i need to help my aunt in the kitchen...GRE is not the only thing that the graduate school will be evaluating me on...and on and on...However,now since i am supposed to make a presentation on GRE tomorrow,i realize that i m not the only one who is trying so hard..there are many and many more...so,i will buck up and start preparing for the haunting test.....Wish me luck!!!

Is this what the future holds?

2008-05-12T21:32:00.000-07:00

This is a clipping taken from The Himalayan Times, 13th of May 2008, Tuesday.No matter how much we try to change the world, we cannot change it unless these young minds are nurtured with love. They have also learned to protest for every thing thats dissatisfying to them. Is this the way our country will be running?

Fermenting Flowers

2008-05-08T01:23:00.000-07:00

"Fermenting Flowers" is the name of the book of poems of a very dear friend of mine Chirag Bangdel. As he calls it, its a small chapbook...but i must tell you, this small chapbook has some wonderful poems and one needs a heart to understand what he is trying to convey through those poems. I had a delightful reading experience and there are many poems in this book that i have come to love, but one of my personal favorites is the poem called Uphill. The poem goes like this:

The Uphill tires me
You walk fast
and ahead
Strange,
I always thought
that i'd lead you.

You reach to the top
You laugh at me
and my weakness
I am a bad walker

Yet,
you come running back to my arms
laugh at me,still
and push me from behind
all the way to the top.

See?
I am supposed to lead.

Its a lovely collection of short poems and i would suggest all to have a copy of it and enjoy engrossing yourself in the reading!!!

Summer Time.....LazyTime

2008-05-02T04:09:00.000-07:00

The days have started getting longer, and for no good...I feel so lazy friends. There is so much to do but every muscle in my body disagrees to work in harmony.When my mind wants to work, my heart doesnt and when the heart gets geared up,my head says, NO PLEASE GIVE ME SOME BREAK...well well...i keep listening to every part, and at the end of the day i have done nothing..Thanks to facebook...most of the times i spend my time with the different applications, the recent one being the twirl text..i havent accomplished much yet,but my word power has for sure increased in one single day..isnt it amazing??so,i cant say i havent accomplished anything throughout the day...can i???
I know, i know, i am not supposed to use facebook while in office but fellas,i need some entertainment...i just hope my boss doesnt read this blog of mine,or i might be fired...lol!!!Anyway folks,i am now feeling bored blogging as well..so i will now search for another source of entertainment for myself..till then,beat the heat and the bland environment,and WORK!!!

Condolence

2008-04-27T22:16:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine called me from Birgunj to inform me of his demise. I did not know him in person but i knew him as the younger brother of my mentor Sudarshan da.Subodh dai was a great photographer. He met a train accident while he was on his way to Delhi for his friend's marriage. He and his friend Abhishek lost balance on the tracks and an ill-fated train passed over them. I cant even imagine the situation.I feel so sorry for him and for the entire family. Sudarshan da is one person i simply admire and seeing him in so much agony breaks my heart apart. I pray to god for Subodh Dai's soul to rest in peace and provide strength to the whole family.

Dream On...

2008-04-02T00:58:00.000-07:00

I again go back to Dreaming..It feels wonderful to explore a world which might be beyond my reach but which i have liberty to think of..and to dream of...People say just dreaming is not enough, you need to work towards fulfilling them. But i say Dreaming is Believing and if they are intended to get fulfilled, they will get fulfilled even if you don't try.Destiny make things happen and if my dreams are destined to be realized,they will be realized without me making any conscious effort.If i start chasing my dreams to get them fulfilled,i believe they will no more be my dreams...they will become my aim in life and i don't want to trade my dreams for anything.

The only thing that scares me is that i have been losing everything that is close to my heart.I just pray that my dreams are preserved.What can i do to save them?Can i lock them in a box and hide the box in sand?Or can i just let them be there because i have heard that if we stick on something too hard,it will make every possible effort to get away from us.I am confused...I am scared...I am apprehensive...I cherish my dreams so much.Is there any way i can preserve them and save them?I need a solution!!Waiting for one...

Selling Youself

2008-03-31T08:56:00.000-07:00

While i was studying Sales Management in college, there was a continuous emphasis put on presenting yourself well to be able to sell your product and services to the customer.Its ironic that while selling something you have to present it in the best of its forms, whether or not it is true.i found it quite funny when my granpa asked me to post the bio-data of a girl for his nephew.The bio-data had everything saleable.The girl was portrayed as the ideal to-be wife and a daughter-in-law.She is "fair" with an attractive body: "Tall", "Slender" and "Sharp Features" is what describes the girl.She is "homely" and wow...her hobbies include "Cooking", "Knitting" and "Sewing". Well, an amazing combination for today's girl..Her to-be in-laws are lucky.....

It makes me wonder...how far do we go to give away our daughter to a group of people who we hardly know...The effort we put in is incredible..The girl might not have the faintest idea on how to sew or knit but this is the best way parents can make their daughters marketable...I just hope that the girl who is being marketed does not have to prove her skills once she is dropped in to her "New Owners". Gud Luck Gurl!!!

To be or Not To Be,,,,

2008-03-05T08:29:00.000-08:00

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else-means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting."

These words my E.E.Cummings remind me so much of my life and how i have tried to fight to be myself and not somebody i am not.In this world which is so pretentious,everyday i am pulled to be on a stand which is not mine.I feel my presence is valued by nobody and the love and appretiation showered is nothing more than a pretense.May be i am getting overcritical but i cannot help the way i feel.I keep hearing tales of people disliking me.May be i am not good enough to be valued, may be i am over idealistic...but i have been born this way.I cannot change myself even if i want to.I try hard to be what people want me to be,but it is hard to do that.I struggle to keep my beliefs intact but they are shredded everyday...everyday a part of me is lost,and everyday a void is created...I pray that i win the battle of preserving the true me!!!

What NEXT????/

2008-02-22T07:59:00.000-08:00

I am so disappointed and dishearted with everything that is going around in my country. I really want to do something but i feel helpless...i feel useless...Is there anything i can do?Can i make a difference?I believe that the answer to all my queries is a YES...but i really lack a path..i lack a roadmap on which i can prod. Can anyone please help me find a way in which i can do something.I am not a LPG dealer, nor do i deal with petroleum products.I am not even involved in the strikes around the country.I dont work in the government offices neither am i involved in making plans and policies.I am just an ordinary citizen fighting for my survival amidst so many problems engulfing the country.There is scarcity of everything in the country except for the incessant strikes and bandhs which are quite a common phenomenon,but sadly these bandhs will not be able to fetch us the food...but nobody seems to understand this.Bandhs are opposed with another bandh, which again is opposed by another and the loop continues.Like every citizen,I too keep thinking and thinking but i hardly get any positive vibes after all that is happening.I do not have answer to this one.Anyone Interested to answer-What Next?????

This is one of my fav Songs by Kelly Clarkson

2008-02-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
Id just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if Id end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

Ill spread my wings and Ill learn how to fly
Ill do what it takes til I touch the sky
Ill make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I wont forget all the ones that I love
Ill make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I dont know where theyll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

Ill spread my wings
And Ill learn how to fly
Though its not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I wont forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

Life's Little Treasures

2008-02-05T08:25:00.000-08:00

I might sound very philosophical on this one but I have this urge to let go what I am feeling at the moment. All their lives people run after so many things; money, possessions, a decent job, an attractive remuneration, a penthouse, a Mercedes, a luxurious life; to sum up the expectations are most of the times materialistic. No matter how much we talk of our detachment from these luxuries, our life, at one point, gets stuck to them. Yes, people do come over it, because sooner or later, we do realize that life is not just about having in abundance all these things. May be I am too young to comment on what is important in life and what is not so important. However, from what I have learnt and seen so far, having a comfortable life is not mere possession of material goods.

For me, simple things are pleasurable. My niece waiting for me to get her a candy bar makes me feel so important; the feeling is so good. The moments when I can just let go off everything and curl up in my blanket with a book by my side is so very precious to me. Getting the chance to be with the closest friends on weekends rejuvenates and prepares for me the coming week. I cherish the moments when I can just forget the whole world and visit a place all on my own, or just browse the shops trying on the weirdest of clothes I would never even think of purchasing.

Well, financial security is always important. However, earning lots and lots of money is not the prior agenda of my life. I just want my life to be a little better than what it is today….and I can be satisfied with what I have. I would want life’s little treasure always shower on me…I hope it does happen….Amen!!

Wake up folks....

2008-01-26T09:10:00.000-08:00

"New York's hitting me hard" complained my fren who, very recently has been to States for her further education. I remember the day she was leaving; so very excited and there was so much of zest inside her..Her excitement has lost somewhere in NY...I hope things turn out good for my sweety...

Foreign land lures everyone, especially the young lot in our country because nobody seems to be getting any positive cues staying here.Nothing's on track;education is very very theoretical,job market is not able to accomodate so many people who are looking for a job,the economic condition is everything but booming,political instability has taken its toll...well,i dont blame anybody who opt for greener pastures in a foreign land.But this is the time to sit and talk about the benefits of staying in our own land and the demerits of surruendering oneself to a bunch of foreigners,who think of us nothing more than a blue-collar worker.

I am not against anybody going to foreign land to broaden their knowledge horizons, but i am against all those who are going there to give themselves up.I am not against those who want to learn something valuable and come back and improve our land, but i am for sure against all those who are giving up their knowledge in making hotdogs and pizzas for the so called "foreigners."

Well,the bragging continues,we will keep complaining but what is important for us is to see the positive sides in the life.If there is night, the sun will for sure shine bright in the morning.Will you abandon your mother if she is suffering?So why is it that we dont hesitate when we are abandoning our motherland at a time when she needs us the most?Think over it and answer yourselves!!!

ZZZzzzzzz.....

2008-01-25T01:05:00.000-08:00

The sun is bright in the sky and i have this urge to go to the terrace and indulge myself in a juicy orange...There is a terrace and the orange can be arranged but i wont feel as content as i felt back home..Days were so much fun then..Not to say i am not enjoying being here, just that being home had its own charm and i am sure each of you will agree with me on this.Momma was always there to do all the pending works...whether it is the clothes strewn across the room or the tea boiling on the stove...she would have no issues at all.I would not have to leave the cozy comfort of my blanket to prepare tea for myself,would not have to wash myself in a hurry to cook breakfast for ,or to iron my clothes.Well,this is what happens when u start taking parents for granted.I enjoy cooking,but for others and not for myself. Every morning i go back to those memories and everyday i miss my momma so much....i better call her....so bye folks and u better respect what your parents do for you!!!

Goodbye frens

2008-01-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

It was year 2003 when we first entered our college premises and were introduced to a whole new world...Life at KCM was a blend of fun, euphoria, pressure, challenges, frustration, friendship,and celebration.Why cant life always be the way it was at KCM. Of course i didnt think this way when i was at KCM, but today i realize that those golden moments were the best part of life. No matter how much we hated our teachers for pestering us to do assignments, and projects, no matter how much i yelled at my frens for not being any support in report making, no matter how many differences i had with my frens, and no matter how much my heart ached to get out of my warm bed and get ready to go to college in the chilly morning,i have loved every moment at college and cherish them.

The people i have met in the form of frens are the bestest people in the whole wide world.They have been with me through my highs and lows and have created numerous memories to last a lifetime. Two of my closest friends are leaving for the US and it aches my heart to see them leaving. But i am delighted for them as they are opening a new chapter of their lives. I wish them all the best for their future and want to let them know how special they are for me and that i will always be there for them.Love you Kanchan and Abha and i will miss both of you terribly.....

THE YEAR THAT WAS.....2007

2007-12-31T09:27:00.000-08:00

Yet another year passed by…it seems like yesterday when we were bidding adieu to the year 2006 and welcoming 2007 with open arms. Today we set to say goodbye to the same 2007 which we had welcomed with so much of pomp and enthusiasm.

Lots of things changed in the year 2007, some for the good while others not so good. On the political front, nothing much favorable happened. Those who were hopeful that throwing away monarchy would put an end to the political turmoil got nothing more than disappointments as matters got no better. Little was achieved as far as the peace processes are concerned. After expending millions of rupees for the preparation of electoral polls, it was disheartening to know that the seven parties had decided to suspend the election program indefinitely.

The disruption of the distribution of The Himalayan Times and Annapurna Post was yet another sad example of deteriorating law and order situation of the nation. The Terai unrest was especially disturbing to me as my roots belong there and it breaks my heart to see people against people.

While at the end of year 2006, we were given the news of Saddan Hussain’s capital punishment, year 2007 ends with the tragic incident of Benazir Bhutto’s assasination. May her soul rest In peace.!!!

Lots of aid has flown in the country. The World Bank approved $18.2 million grant to support efforts to minimize the avian influenza infection and a $60 million education grant. ADB approved a $1 million grant for improving livelihhood. Japan provided a Rs. 180 million grant as food aid. Norway agreed to provide Rs. 120 million for Peace Trust Fund and Rs. 80 million for UN Peace Fund. Denmark agreed to provide Rs. 3 billion aid for the energy sector. However, despite the incoming funds flow, the socio-economic situation of the country is questionable.

One event that created outburst throughout the nation was the hike in the prices of petroleum products. The irony, however, is that despite the hike in prices, the crisis persisted and consumers still had to wait in queue from midnight to midday to get their share of the petrol.

Despite lots of negativity taking place, the year did see some positive light. Nepalese in Nepal and outsite has made the country and its countrymen proud. The boy next door Prashant Tamang created headlines after winning the Indian Idol 3 finale. Mahabir Pun made the entire nation proud after getting the Raman Magsaysay Award 2007 for his outstanding contribution to the community Leadership. Kudos to the achievers!!!

The year 2007 also saw an increase in the number of financial institutions. 3 commercial banks started operation in addition to the mushrooming finance companies and development banks. The share market saw a record high growth rate.

As far as the tourism sector is concerned, the year 2007 was THE year which ignited hope for the sector. After 9 years of slack, the year 2007 showed a positive growth in tourism proving that the tourists are again gaining confidence over the country. Four international airlines have spread wings in Nepali sky and more are in the pipeline. Something to feel good about….

Overall, the year was a blend of positivism, hope, rejoice, remorse and rebellion. As citizens, all we can do is learn from mistakes and vow to correct them. A small effort from every individual can create wonders and change the nation’s fate. Hope to have a better year ahead with better things happenning for the country. On this positive note, wishing all the members of the Nepali and the world famile a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007!!!

Holiday Time

2007-12-30T10:23:00.000-08:00

Travaling can be so much fun and so much rejuvenating. After so many days’ work, it feels great to be on a holiday, a holiday not very far away but to a very close by neighbor, India. India has truly transformed itself from rags to riches….a complete new nation with a complete new perspective. The past 20 days have been great. We set off for the journey on 9th of December 07 and were back to our pavilion on 26th of December. Between all these days we visited 4 cities including Mumbai, Jaipur, Jhunjhunu and Delhi.

Mumbai was the first place and I swear Mumbai trip was not as exciting as I expected it to be….So many people and so little space, seems like the city is on the verge of collapse. Yeah, if you are living a life of luxury in places like Nariman Point and Juhu, life will be hip and happenning, but sadly life is not so rosy for everybody in a metropolis like Mumbai. The local trains are a trauma, at least they were so for me. Everybody is in so much of rush and people are least bothered about each other. Given an option to stay in Mumbai, I say a big NO. Next destination Jaipur was quite the opposite. A very calm and serene place and amazingly planned. It was kinda very historical enlightment. The forts and palaces are breathtaking and you are awestruck by the beauty of the city. From the Birla Temple to Amer Fort, everything is beautifully designed and the architecture is mindblowing. Kudos to the architects who were so instrumental in building the city the way it is today.

Jhunjhunu, a name many might not have heard. It is the district hearquater of Rajasthan and yes, the birthplace of my parents with our ancestoral home still standing there. Our stay over there was more of a family rendzevous rather than a treat to the eye. I never knew our family is so very extended. The list of hosts was endless. I guess it would take us one full week to be able to visit all our relatives. I must, however, confess that the food out there is amazing. Everything is so much delightful for the platter that you cant help but ask for more. The use of pure indian spices adds wonder to the food…Oh!how much I miss the food…..

The last destination Delhi was the best….the city is truly the epitome of New India. I loved everything about the city, from its ppl to its metro rail. The New Delhi is THE place to visit. It truly stands as the capital city of India. The infrastructure is worth a watch and the planning of the city with all its plantation program makes the city not only beautiful but also worth living. The night life is equally fun. The crowd is hip and the youth have a ball every night…The city actually never sleeps and still never gets tired…wow….interesting!!! I would surely love to revisit the place and this time for an extended period of time…till then I am sure I will have an equally amazing time in my own lovely place….my Nepal..

Take the Lead...Stop AIDS,.Keep the promise..leadership

2007-12-05T01:27:00.000-08:00

The Basantpur Durbar Square on December 1 2007 was cluttered. There was unusual crowd gathered..consisting of people from all walks of life...of all ages...The crowd there had come to witness the celebration of the World AIDS Day 2007 organized by SAARATHI Nepal...This year's slogan is :TAKE THE LEAD:STOP AIDS:KEEP THE PROMISE:LEADERSHIP. Lots of youngsters were there to witness the event.A skit was presented to let the people know more about the disease,which was well received by the audience.Celebrities like Rajesh Hamal and Om Bikram Bista graced the event with their presence....hopefully their involvement must have made a positive impact on the minds of people regarding AIDS, its causes and the support required to make the affected people feel more accepted. Every year promises are made but sadly nothing constructive happens.Why does this happen?Is it ignorance?Is it lack of commitment?Is it indifference?i do not have enough answers to them but i just wish more is done to combat the deadly disease...I hope they by December 1st 2008 when i again write this blog, i can express positivism over the same issue...till next time...Take the lead...Stop AIDS..Keep the Promise...Leadership!

Dependent-independent

2007-10-29T00:04:00.000-07:00

Its ironical but its true...we bet ourselves to be independent beings but the truth is that we all are kids deep down and we need our loved ones to be by our sides during the times of crises and during the moments when we feel that things are not running in our favor.I want to take this opportunity to thank all those people who has been with me during my think and thin and who had the patience to let me know what actually is good for me and what is not.....i owe a lot to my family and of course to my frens....Cheers!!!

An emotional catharsis

2007-09-29T23:38:00.000-07:00

It was a chilly and rainy Saturday morning....it would be so nice if I could pull my blanket and have a steaming cup of coffee..but i was supposed to go to Chobhar......our club had organized a stationery distribution program to the MITERI BAL SANGATHAN. We all went in a van that was stuffed with stationery items...the bumpy road...uncomfortable seat....the rain....nothing was appealing to me....but once we reached there, all these issues were nullified...we started with distributing chocolates...one eclairs brought smile to all the lovely faces...i never realized that the candy was so valuable....Everything was so soothing and warming....The bright eyes, hopeful faces and the keen looks made my heart skip a beat...There was a speech by a lovely girl who has recently passed her SLC exams. Her confidence awed everyone and the simplicity with which she delivered her feelings was amazing..I was jus wondering when i was her age, i couldn't dare speak a word in front of a crowd...but kudos to those kids and their energy.I wish i could do a lot more for these kids and i am positive that i will do that because those were the kids who made me undergo an emotional catharsis!!!!

I M......

2007-09-27T02:25:00.000-07:00

Yes...as my blog title says...i am a dreamer....i think of things that seems impossible at times...i can relax near my window pane and wander in my own world for hours...without getting exhausted...Those are the moments when i do not want a single soul to perturb me.I want to be in a blanket of thoughts that are mine..because those are the only things i actually possess....It might sound insane to many people but thats the way i am...love me or hate me...but yes I M.....just a dreamer!!!!

Till next time.......